went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
