Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
