I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
