Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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