everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize