Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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