My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize