maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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