An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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