Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
