Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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