so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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