I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
