I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
