That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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