SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
if only i could text you this smell
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
