its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
