a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
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