The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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