So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
even my farts smell like vagina
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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