Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just invented taco cereal.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
