dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize