hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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