champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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