i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
