I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
