oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
