They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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