glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
