im holly from the hills drunk
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
