I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
