dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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