I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
It's never too late to be topless.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
