You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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