I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Randomize
