I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
