and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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