If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
