I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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