I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
