hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
