Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize