me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
