Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
i believe in u and ur pee
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
