Buhtt sex?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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