I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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