Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize