I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
