please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
