Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
