the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
