just survived the first fart of the relationship.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize