No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
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