Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
People in love make me want to vomit
nutella sex= disaster
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
