My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
