Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
