you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
