I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
