Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
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