its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
