Pants 0. Shit 1.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
