I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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