God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
