Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
