Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
