She announced her abortion via fbk
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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