Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
