Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize