dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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